Published November 26, 2009
They bring hatred to lives
Creating forgotten goodbyes
Sorrow filling the air
Out bursting everywhere
Up into the sky
A sound of demon cries
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140,928 Literary Works • 673,751 Reviews
Hi there. Welcome to YWS!
I'm Kamas, going to give you a quick review.
Well there isn't much to review here.
I feel the rhyme is immature and really takes away. And as Flyer said that picture doesn't go well with it. I would of maybe coloured it in to add better effect to it.
I suggest you try your hand at freestyle poems. You have an obvious ability to think of interesting ideas, have things that are new to people. You have lots of potential. Just don't restrict yourself to rhymes and all that. It really shortens off what you can do.
Loosen up, the best poetry is usually completely random and free.
Hope to see more from you soon.
Kamas
The picture and the story don't go together. The poem is about a demon-creature, or that's what it sounds like, bringing pain to human souls. The picture is of a misunderstood member of the fey, or that is what her expression seems to be. If you want the picture and the poem to merge more easily, i would suggest expanding on your poem, making the Ascry misunderstood in some way. or eliminating the picture.